Don’t go with the flow

Thandeka’s story

Your thoughts (96)

We all want to fit in. We all want to belong. I wasn’t any different.

Last year my family and I moved to Durban from Johannesburg, which meant I had to leave my friends, and everything I’d known, behind.

It also meant that I had to attend a new school in grade 11. By the time I got to the school everyone had known each other since grade 8 (some people even longer). It was really hard being the​ n​ ew girl. All I really wanted was to make a friend and get all the inside jokes that my classmates shared.

Months went by and I still hadn’t made any friends. And then one day at the bus stop a girl, Zinzi, in matric offered me a cigarette. I told her that I didn’t smoke but she said I might like it if I tried. So I did - because I was afraid if I didn’t, she would stop talking to me.  After that Zinzi and I became friends. She introduced me to her friends and I finally had people to spend my lunch break with. I didn’t feel so alone anymore – I finally had somewhere I belonged.

But I worked really hard to fit in and I lost myself along the way. I started skipping school (something I’d never done before), smoking and sneaking out of the house to go to parties. I did everything that they did – even things that I wasn’t comfortable with and that I knew I would get into trouble for later. I didn’t care – all that mattered to me was being cool and proving to them that I belonged.

And then everything crumbled around me. At the end of term 2, I had failed most of my subjects. I had been so focused on fitting in and pleasing my new friends that I had completely lost myself. My parents were furious. I allowed other people's’ opinions of me to control my actions and I ended up disappointing my parents and myself in the process. This was the wake-up call that I needed - luckily it wasn’t too late.

I decided to spend less time trying to fit in and more time figuring out who I was.

I stopped trying doing things to get Zinzi and the rest of the group to like me and focused on doing the things that ​I liked i​nstead. I joined our school poetry club and I made friends with people who liked the same things as me.

I learnt how to say no ​to things that I didn’t want to do. I stood my ground and didn’t give in to what people said. It was hard saying no at first. I would make up excuses of why I couldn’t make it. I eventually got the hang of saying the two-lettered word.

I also started​ ​avoiding situations that made me uncomfortable​. My classmates would also invite me to parties which I knew would have alcohol and trouble. No matter how fun it sounded like, I knew it would not be worth it to fall off the wagon.

I made new friends​ - ​Friends aren’t all bad, they can also have a positive influence, I learned this when I befriended Nomsa. She and I have big dreams. She wants to be a doctor and I want to be a computer programmer. So we study and have fun together by going to the movies. We keep each other accountable and make sure that we are passing to reach our dreams.

This experience taught me to never go with just any flow. I made a choice to only let the positive things influence me and only do things I am comfortable with, because at the end of the day, it was only my life that was impacted.

Do you ever have to deal with peer pressure? Tell us your experience in the comments section.

Share your feedback

Your thoughts

Vuvu

Some kids will do everything to fit in. Even if breaking the rules I don't have any experience but I had a friend who will do anything for attention. I guess she was going with a flow too😔

Aug. 17, 2022, 4:03 p.m.

Mamajozi

My loyalty best friendtried to lie about me I I found out that she was saying I have crush on his boyfriend so now l don't trust her anymore so my mom say l have to leave and never be friends with her she is only friend I have advice me please 😔😔🥺🤔

Aug. 16, 2022, 7:02 p.m.

Latest Reply
Maphungula

Yoh I think maybe found other friends and leave her 🤔

Mashangase

Maybe maphungula is right 🤔

Mamajozi

Thanks guys for your support 😍

Nawty-IMO

Hi and sorry for your friend doing wrong to you

Mamajozi

Yes I have story to share

Aug. 16, 2022, 6:55 p.m.

Mamajozi

My name is emihle majozi

Aug. 16, 2022, 6:51 p.m.

Latest Reply
Maphungula

Do you have story to share

Mamajozi

Hey guys I'm new here

Aug. 16, 2022, 6:50 p.m.

Latest Reply
Maphungula

Hey welcome

Mashangase

Hey

Aug. 16, 2022, 6:47 p.m.

Latest Reply
Mamajozi

Hey mashangase

Mashangase

Please respond guys

Aug. 16, 2022, 5:50 p.m.

Latest Reply
Maphungula

Am 10 yrs

Mashangase

My f wanting me to date with school boy so I said I am not ready for dating tht she said ubozisa iteam

Aug. 16, 2022, 5:50 p.m.

Entle

Ahhh 😣 pls chat ladies 🙏🙏🙏

Aug. 14, 2022, 7:25 p.m.

Latest Reply
Maphungula

Me too abarespond it me mashangase I changed my profile because my sister is a trouble maker

Entle

Wow this story is very good and interesting. Anyway I am Entle I am new here 13 yrs old 😍 I would like to say hi to all the gals in this group.

Aug. 14, 2022, 6:36 p.m.

Latest Reply
Thingo

Heyy❤🙈

Thingo

Hey guys my name is Thingo❤😻I'm from Hillcrest nd I'm 15 yrs old I'm new here 📍

Aug. 14, 2022, 5:15 p.m.

Latest Reply
Entle

Hey Thingo thing thing

Awethu

If you want to feel welcomed leave your tens we'll add you everywhere ♥️🥰♥️

Aug. 14, 2022, 9:19 a.m.

Lov

Hi Mthaniya

Aug. 13, 2022, 8:48 p.m.

Mthaniya

Hi guys I'm MTHANIYA from DAVEYTON I'm 13 years old Intro please so tht I can chat with you guys

Aug. 13, 2022, 7:56 p.m.

Latest Reply
Appu

Yes I would love too

Simo

Hi I'm new my name is Esona Ndawuni Simo. I'm 11 years old and i want to join this app.

Aug. 13, 2022, 9:26 a.m.

Latest Reply
Entle

Hey gal which school do u attend . I think I know u

Awethu

Oh wow beutiful story😍🤗💝

Aug. 13, 2022, 7:28 a.m.

Latest Reply
Entle

Exactly

Samu

Hi Mimi we can be your friends what is the name of your school

Aug. 13, 2022, 1:55 a.m.

Nikiwe

Put ur self first and never be controlled by anyone.💯💯

Aug. 12, 2022, 7:29 p.m.

Latest Reply
Mthaniya

Yes❤

Thingo

Well said 😘❤

Entle

Yes sis . Ushaye ukhona. I give you a five star ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Awethu

Girls numbers plz❤❤🙏lets try and create a safe space around us let bring closer those who love ,understand and listen to us💞💘

Aug. 12, 2022, 3:22 p.m.

Latest Reply
Appu

OK mine is 0768322660 And add yours

Mthaniya

Hi

Awethu

Everybody your numbers plz❤❤❤💘💞🙏🙏🙏

Aug. 12, 2022, 3:01 p.m.

Latest Reply
Simo

0657010163

ItsSammy

0815366753 mine

ItsSammy

0815366753

Magugu

060 671 4632

Matsemela

My advice is that practice to say no and make good friends ❤👭

Aug. 11, 2022, 7:10 p.m.

Latest Reply
BZet

Yes

BZet

If you are a person you must always think about yourself no Matter how,you can chill and make friends but the Key point is that always try to read on yourself study💯

Aug. 11, 2022, 1:14 p.m.

Latest Reply
Awethu

♥️♥️

Wendy07Đube

Sometimes u must not do things because someone is doing it or u want to be part of it or to fit in where u actually don't belong

Aug. 9, 2022, 9 p.m.

Latest Reply
Buhle_mabontle

EXACTLY

Thembi

You can't do everything to make people or your friends to be happy.always put yourself first

Aug. 9, 2022, 8:03 p.m.

Latest Reply
BZet

Agree💯

Kamomphelaxx

Higuys i am new here and i want to know about you guys

Aug. 9, 2022, 11:54 a.m.

Latest Reply
Mpho_skhosana

I am also new here so plz add me so that we can chat and maybe we can get along If u are interested plz add me with this number 0763095131

Gesels

Me to

Nombulelo

This story

Aug. 7, 2022, 6:17 p.m.

Latest Reply
Entle

Hey Nombulelo I want to ask u do you know Siviwe Primary School. If you do pls reply 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Cindy

I'm new here on springster I'm cindy pls introduce yourselves

Aug. 7, 2022, 5:56 p.m.

Latest Reply
Nombulelo

Hi i'm nombulelo how old are you

Cindy

I'm 16 years

Mpho_skhosana

I am Mpho from Johannesburg South And where do u stay

Tumi

Hi I'm tumi from benoni and where are you from?

Klye

Thando from pongola , you?

Cassius

Cindy App number pls

Nombulelo

Even i am new here in springster will you please introduce yourself i am nombulelo

Aug. 7, 2022, 5:38 p.m.

Latest Reply
Jabu

I'm jabu nombulelo

Malerato

Hi guys am new too

Aug. 6, 2022, 4:59 a.m.

Sethabile

Sanibonani Guys , I'm new here at Springster. hey i'de like to know you better

Aug. 2, 2022, 5:30 p.m.

Latest Reply
Buhle_mabontle

Hey

Amierh

Hi we can chat on moya app 0790583937

Nombulelo

Hi

Jabu

Hello

Awethu

Hey girl

Mthaniya

Hyyie

Makhokholombhani

If u knw where u come from and where you are and where you are going it will b easy fo you focus on what u want to archieve and peer preasure wont have a chance or effect in your life

Aug. 2, 2022, 7:36 a.m.

Khetty

Hello I'm interested and I'm new

Aug. 2, 2022, 6:37 a.m.

Latest Reply
Mpho_skhosana

Hello

Sollisa

Good choice👌

Aug. 1, 2022, 5:11 p.m.

busia

good luck

July 31, 2022, 5:46 p.m.

Mictal

And you are right you must never Go with the flow 💖💝

July 30, 2022, 11:39 p.m.

Mictal

Hi I'm new 😔

July 30, 2022, 11:37 p.m.

Latest Reply
Entle

Hey gal wats wit the sad face lala . Here I am I can chat with you anytime even midnight do you need someone to talk yo

Swazi

Hi Mimi

July 30, 2022, 6:39 p.m.

Latest Reply
Precioushlatshwayo46

Hi um also new

Khetty

Hey

Amierh

Hi

Moeng

Hi Mimi l am new here so tell me more 👍👍 about you girl because dat 1 I were like to play with is gone 🥺🥺💭🗯️👀

Sixishe

Sanibononi my name is Mimi.Am 11years old. 🧀🍖🥨🌰🥓🍕

July 26, 2022, 7:09 p.m.

Latest Reply
Lindelwa_Leerh

Hi Mimi how are you?

Reatlegile

Hi Mimi 😘

Thwala

HI MIMI

Mictal

🖐️🖐️Mimi

busia

ok

Nozipho

Good morning guys I new to this page / group I do not have any friends can your be my friends

Mpho_skhosana

Heyy guys l am also new can u guys be my friends

Hlonib._.kind13.

Never do that ever again and I hope you in a safe place now

July 26, 2022, 12:22 p.m.

Latest Reply
kind._boo19

True #girls_powa

Hlonib._.kind13.

Okay it's true the story is interesting 😋

Tebello

Don't do that again 😥😥😥🔥❤️

kind._boo19

Hello is story is so interesting wat more stories that are interesting

July 26, 2022, 12:20 p.m.

Latest Reply
Hlonib._.kind13.

Hi

kind._boo19

How's u

Nozipho

Yes girl 💪

Buhle_mabontle

Yes i did. My friends always encouraged me to date with boys and i was scared of losing my friends by saying no. So i started to date. Until one day

July 23, 2022, 8:13 p.m.

Latest Reply
Buhle_mabontle

my friend told me to kiss him and i got furious and i told my teacher. My teacher said i should never ever date and never listen to friends.❤❤

Rukya

Girls there's one thing I need to say Why do we girl's do things to please others ?? n by the end of the day those ppl who u pleased ain't gonna please u back N we girl's we don't think we just do anything without hesitation n did u ever asked ur self why God gave us brains??? No god gave us brains to think bt are we thinking no thanks there's a say that says we can choose friends bt not family if u still have a chance to choose friends then do so Don't ever try to please yr friends bc there are some peers who force to do good stuff like ur friends who forces u to do yr homework that's a good pl ladies let's try to think n we must be able to differentiate between good and wrong

Lindelwa_Leerh

Girls you must choose friends please.

Buhle_mabontle

Exactly what. Y should we listen to friends. Because at the end of the day they will not come to our funeral.

Nombulelo

What happend that day

Buhle_mabontle

Hey Nombulelo. I am also new. I think i have a month here. So regarding your question which day are u talking about

Mavis

At least you realised eart💖💖

July 23, 2022, 6:01 p.m.

@nosipho_3414

You were lucky to realise early ♥️♥️♥️

July 23, 2022, 2:28 p.m.

Latest Reply
Nombulelo

True

Nomfundis

Hi everyone

July 23, 2022, 8:05 a.m.

Latest Reply
Buhle_mabontle

Hi❤

Lindelwa_Leerh

Hi❤

Reatlegile

Hi❤️

Mpho_skhosana

Hi💙

Alucia

Sha did really good

July 23, 2022, 5:32 a.m.

MaMbaliza

Hello Guys I'm new here.

July 22, 2022, 7:16 p.m.

Latest Reply
Thwala

Hello

Samu

Hi Mambaliza how are you, are you a girl

Lucy

Hi guys I have a problem with my family they always fight every single day what can I do?😥😥

July 22, 2022, 5:34 p.m.

Latest Reply
Mavis

Try to tell them how you feel about the situation but in A respectful manner

Awethu

1= Sit down with them 2=Express your feelings 3=Tell them how they are affecting your life 4=After all it's your future do this for it

Lucy

Hi girl😃😃

July 22, 2022, 5:32 p.m.

Madikizela

Hy guys 🤩 and I 💕 guys Ian kindly child

July 20, 2022, 6:30 p.m.

Latest Reply
Madikizela

Sorry guys I write wrong thing😭😭🥺

MACHOBANE

I don't like peer pressure to control 👀👀me to do wrong👎👎 things 😞😞😞

July 20, 2022, 5:20 p.m.

Latest Reply
Sethabile

Very Good don't let your guard down.

Lucy

Thanks

July 20, 2022, 3:57 a.m.

Madikizela

Back to school guys 🤩 and ♥️♥️ guys 🤩

July 19, 2022, 2:11 p.m.

Latest Reply
Amogelang_Amo07

Love you too girl 💖🌹 And hi I'm new her

Lucy

Yay I'm going back to school finally

Pre4t7t6y

Moya tenz

Madikizela

HI guys 🤩❤️ you guys 🤩

July 18, 2022, 12:25 p.m.

Latest Reply
Lee_06

Love you too girl💓

Madikizela

Thanks 💯 sky🤩🤩🤗

July 18, 2022, 12:21 p.m.

Nomthawelanga

Hi guys I am new

July 18, 2022, 9:59 a.m.

Latest Reply
Madikizela

Hi girl 🤩

MaMbaliza

Hello

Nomthawelanga

Can I get your numbers because I don't have any one to speak with I don't have friends 😪

Entle

Hi sis I can c you wanted someone's number.

roby

hi guys i' m new

July 16, 2022, 3:56 p.m.

Latest Reply
Makhaye

Me to I am new 💚💚

Zondi

Hi guys I'm new

Madikizela

Hi Asheilgh I am not a fool

July 16, 2022, 1:48 p.m.

Latest Reply
100sky

Don't mind her if she called you a fool she's a fool your not a fool

Madikizela

Hi guys 🤩😂🤩❤️

July 16, 2022, 7:59 a.m.

Latest Reply
Asheilgh

Seriously fool😕

Amanda24

How are you ♥️

100sky

Hi😁

Rukya

Wait what going on

Buhle_mabontle

Why did you call a other child a fool

Nomthawelanga

Asheilg why do you call another person 😒 a fool 🤔 😒

Nomthawelanga

Hi guys I am new

July 15, 2022, 3:25 p.m.

Latest Reply
Madikizela

Hi girl 🤗🤗

100sky

Hello

Nomthawelanga

Can I get your numbers plz coz I need someone to talk to a friend I don't have friends 😪😪😪

Mpho_skhosana

0763095131

Nomthawelanga

Thanks

Peity

Hi guys l'm new here,l really loved your story 👌💯❤️

July 15, 2022, 1:16 p.m.

Xienevan

Hi guys advice about my crush

July 15, 2022, 10:13 a.m.

Latest Reply
Mavis

How old are you

Xienevan

Hi guys i am new

July 15, 2022, 10:12 a.m.

Madikizela

Thanks guys for advice me 💌😀💕💕🤩🤩

July 15, 2022, 6:38 a.m.

@mahle

😞🙋🏻‍♀️love your story ❤️😞

July 14, 2022, 6:05 p.m.

Latest Reply
Ncumisa

Mmh it is too good you should write a booklet(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤(✿ ♡‿♡)❤️❤️😘👋🤞🥺🧸💎❣️

Madikizela

Yes

July 14, 2022, 5:07 p.m.

Jinx

I'd never be controlled by peer pressure Ever 😡

July 14, 2022, 2:06 p.m.

Mngomezulu

I was had friends in my precious grade last year ,they were really great friends.we used to share everything ,& do everything together.But that changed this year when we got separated from our classes.They all turned their back on me when they found a girl they can replace me with.So this I had no friends ,until I met a girl called Asanda and her friends I thought I found real friends ,but those friends influenced me to have many boyfriend's 🥺 .And I lost control on my school work .I lacked a lot.And failed my first term😩.

July 13, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

Latest Reply
Nomthawelanga

That very bad yoh🤔

Lucy

😟😟😟

Ncumisa

Eish I feel you❣️❣️🙏

Buhle_mabontle

Eish i feel u😣 almost same story

Samu

That's bad sorry about that 🥺🥺can I be your friend can I have your number how old are you and what is the name of your school which grade are you doing

Madikizela

Guys please😭 answer me😀😂

July 13, 2022, 12:52 p.m.

Latest Reply
Tshedza

Why

Madikela

Please guys advice me about my boyfriend he don't like me What should I do 😭😭😡😠

July 12, 2022, 11:50 a.m.

Latest Reply
Malindi

Leave him

Mchunu

That means you like him .... He is no longer your boyfriend 💔

Jinx

Break up

Tshedza

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Ori34

Leave him💔💔💔💔💔

Samu

Madikizela how old are you

Madikela

OKAY thank Ntebaleng😍🥰🤩

July 12, 2022, 11:44 a.m.

Latest Reply
Ntebaleng

Can you send your number so that I can add you in the group

Tshedza

0649814185

Lee_06

Hi ntebaleng what kind of a group are you 🤔

Mpho_skhosana

0763095131

Ntebaleng

Hi guys we make a group so that we can chat❤️♥️🤩if you want to join uus entire your numbers so that I ccan add you

July 12, 2022, 10:47 a.m.

Latest Reply
Mlungicy

063 751 0704

Siyamthanda22

0656591500

Ntebaleng

Thank you guys

Emihlemthethi

0640235611

Budila

0636265192

Ameerah

0735410049

Nicole

0610847024

Mngomezulu

0637735223

Mchunu

0726427951

Rukya

Hello guys no offence bt the group that we made is for girls not boys sorry 😔😔

Non2008

063 1030095

Xienevan

Can i be in the group

Nkateko

0812828381

Peity

0832377665

Tshedza

0649814185

Lee_06

Is your group in moya or whatsapp?

Anastacia4k

0736419783

Rukya

No our group is in moya not whatsapp n it's not for males only female's please

Ncumisa

0787352439

Hlonib._.kind13.

0685583242

Ori34

0722845811

kind._boo19

0769943414

Malerato

083 881 5020

Khulanqobe

0721437974

Mpho_skhosana

0763095131

Madikela

Hi Thandeka

July 11, 2022, 10:04 p.m.

Rap_dog_5000

It's true. Once you get distracted by the wrong things you tend to lose track of time and what is most important.

July 11, 2022, 8:30 p.m.

SHAMALAMA

I went with the flow and i created a facebook account and i dropped from position 2 to position. I regret it #DONTGOWITHTHEFLOW

July 11, 2022, 5:46 p.m.

Latest Reply
Tshedza

#DONT GO WITH THE FLOW

Ori34

# dont go with the flow

Busi

Yep the girl that I sit next to in the class wants to sit with her best friend. I hate that even though in break she pressure me .sometime they will offer me R1 to sit at the back. But sometimes I act like I am sick even though I am not.......I couldn't pretend anymore 😭😭🔥

July 9, 2022, 9:37 p.m.

Latest Reply
Tshedza

R1 only 🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉

Nasiha

This story taught me that I shouldn't please anybody any friends because I am not here to please other ppl I am here in this world for a purpose

July 8, 2022, 10:13 p.m.

Latest Reply
Tshedza

Yes,girl

Ameerah

Hi I am Ameerah I am 14years old me and my best friend were dating for a month so he cheated on me so I moved on with my life but know he wants me back what do I do

July 8, 2022, 8:29 p.m.

Latest Reply
Busi

I would like to say if you still want him back so what are you waiting for but if you can't it is your choice not mine I'm just saying .

Busi

Can we be friends plz!!!I need a friend...

Ameerah

Yes we can be friends 😘

Nicole

I think u shouldn't go back and patch things up with him since u know 'if one things broken, it will never be fixed again' but if you love him enough u could try to fix things with him

Tshedza

I think he's a player because it's not possible for friends to date

lebogang

good story i learn a lot ❤🌏

July 8, 2022, 10:25 a.m.

Latest Reply
Mageliza

Yeah♥️♥️

Sethu

The best part about this story is that she came back to her senses and become a greater person ♥️ good story indeed 🤗

July 7, 2022, 7:05 p.m.

Latest Reply
lebogang

wow❤🤗

Ameerah

I can't wait to tell my crush how I feel about him

tester

Learning a lot!!

July 4, 2022, 8:19 p.m.

Jessica

Today the 4th of July my sister was kidnapped by my uncle he went to him to go give him food but she never came back when we went to his room the window was open and he was gone with my sister 🥺🖤

July 4, 2022, 5:54 p.m.

Latest Reply
tester

July 4th

Mrkmwt

Ohhh I see

Busi

Sorry girl I hope she is alright 😭😭

Amy780

Yorh man nowadays is werid and disgusting I mean he was suppose to look after her but instead he wanted to use he ...I hope she is fine

Nihan

It's a good story and I learnt a lot from it♥️

July 3, 2022, 10:23 a.m.

Mpumey

Good story indeed❤and I learned a lot from it😊❤

July 2, 2022, 9:38 p.m.

Blose

Keep if up❤️

July 1, 2022, 8:36 p.m.

Zanele

It was really hard and I really pressuring 😫😫😥

June 29, 2022, 7:32 p.m.

Love

How is yours different

June 28, 2022, 9:09 p.m.

Latest Reply
Nokwanda

U had to ask mara wena

Chicho

I going through the same thing 💔 Just in a different situation

June 28, 2022, 7:26 p.m.

Latest Reply
Nokwanda

Sorry

Ameerah

Oh shame🥺

Love

Who sometimes feel like they can be biosextual🙄🙄

June 27, 2022, 10:35 p.m.

Latest Reply
Nokwanda

Me right here but it feels like nobody will like the real me

Tintswalo2808_

I do but ppl won't like it🥺🥺🥺

Nokwanda

That wat i feel like joh

Sine

Awesome

June 27, 2022, 2:29 p.m.

Chesszen

Lol I love your story 💖. Peer pressure do not let someone else tell you what to do 🤞🤞💖😔😔

June 27, 2022, 8:18 a.m.

Latest Reply
Nokwanda

True that

2003fog60

😥I like ur story

June 27, 2022, 6:37 a.m.

Latest Reply
Love

I like you💓💗

Nokwanda

Love it seems u like everyone

Tshedza

Even i have seen that Love like everyone in SPINGSTER and

Olwethu

I luv ur story 😍😍

June 26, 2022, 2:36 a.m.

Latest Reply
Promise

Hey girl

Nokwanda

It's lovable

Kinamaboy

I like the story

June 24, 2022, 10:17 a.m.

Kabelo12

Mika baby I luv u so much you just don't pay attention or notice me. I wish you fel

May 9, 2022, 4:46 p.m.

Latest Reply
Chesszen

True peer pressure is bad out here 😔😔💖

Love

I will love you and pay attention to you MY LOVE 😚😚

Tshedza

Wow

Hope u in a safe place now

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

Latest Reply
Promise

Hey

Hope u in a safe place now

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

Latest Reply
Mbally

Hi guys I'm new here my name is mbally I live in durban is any one here who is 27 upwards if I may ask?